Tuesday 16 October 2012

You choose...

A while ago I wrote a for me, fairly typical rambling post in which I mentioned God, the Devil, a Mercedes advert and irritating neighbours before concluding that if one were unwilling to tempt fate, one should drive a BMW.

Right at the end of the post I submitted a photo of what I thought was undeniably the most beautiful sports coupé ever built and I have reposted it above. It happened to be a BMW so suited the purposes of my post. It was also painted in my favourite colour for a car. Not just any car, but a car with the coachwork and lines able to carry it off. Think of Angela Merkel in Pippa Middleton's famous dress and perhaps you will grant me the point.

Those who know me from my younger days may have found it surprising that I would elevate a BMW to 'Most Desirable' status even though I am sure they would concur that the 3.0 CS BMW was, and remains very desirable. My grandfather designed the Mercedes factory in Sindelfingen and as a young lad I had free(ish) run of the factory. He only drove Daimler Benz as the old German diehards called them and I was a Mercedes man too. I even bought a bright red 300SL for my first wife as a salve for her broodiness. It didn't work, she took the car and ran off with a married Aga gas bottle filler from Coalville in Leicestershire and had a kid with him instead. Naturally, I was bloody annoyed but through skillful diplomacy and not a little compassion and understanding, I got her back in the end. She was even polished nicely and had a full tank of petrol. As an aside, while I was back in UK sorting out the divorce, there was an accident at the gas bottling plant and the man who cuckolded me was carted off screaming to the burns unit at Leicester Royal Infirmary, presumably bewildered by how a procedure he had performed daily could go so badly wrong. I have to confess to just a little schadenfreude as I drove the Mercedes back down the M1 towards Dover.

I did own and drive a BMW once but that was by default. Default in the sense that desperate measures were needed to recover from my own stupidity. When I was living in Cape Town, I bought a Ferrari (I had a Mercedes as well I hasten to add so hadn't taken complete leave of my senses). Go onto the internet web thingy and see just how many less than a year old, low mileage Ferraris are up for sale. They should grade car makes by their divorce rates. My first two wives were Ferraris. They were beautiful, very desirable, athletic (sadly not always in my bed), temperamental and badly screwed together. If you want a long term relationship, buy something beginning with 'V'. Volkswagen or Volvo spring to mind. 

With no takers for the Ferrari I swapped it for a BMW convertible which, I have to admit, was a much nicer car. Almost anything would have been but if anyone had turned up with the car pictured below, I would have bitten his arm off and regurgitated the ignition keys later.

I leave it to you.  Most beautiful and desirable coupé ever: BMW or Mercedes?  Both in my favorite colour, by the way…

Mercedes photos courtesy of Mechatronic Germany.  Link on the right hand side of my blog page under 'Toys for Boys'
Maybe I should tempt fate again.  Just once...


  1. Merc for style - Beamer for swash!

  2. What the hell is 'Swash'?

    Bloody Antipodeans.

  3. O Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz. My friends all drive Porsch's...

  4. Your choice of colour, coinciding as it does with my own favourite, does you a justice that I fear you will not see in this lifetime Sir.

    I could not choose between the two, I want both. OK, the Mercedes (now that I am more "mature").

    In Ingerlund I think that BMW and Mercedes have lost their way and don't know where to roam, and Audi have largely displaced BMW as the car of choice of the greater-spotted Road-Numpty. Although there are exceptions of course, a total idiot doing something infectiously fatal is more likely to be wearing an A4 or A6 badge than anything else (with apologies to the niece, an exclusion).

    Now, if you'll excuse me I must away and look at that Mercedes some more and some more and some more ...

  5. The pillar-less coupe every fucking time, and you got the colour right too.


  6. Joanne, I am glad my name isn't Lord. You sound expensive!

    Sir Owl of the Wood, I can't choose between them either but since I do not drive myself anymore, I think I would go for the more regal Mercedes. I agree that the traditional manufacturers of prestige motor cars have lost their way which is why I like these 'modernised' classics.

    SBW, old men in convertibles are considered ridiculous (except Stirling Moss) but that isn't what stops me from having one. Wind turbulence tends to knock the ash off my Romeo y Julieta and cause white caps of spray in my whisky glass. A pillarless coupé is a fine compromise.

  7. I always liked the looks of Austin Healeys and MGs. Small, zippy, and fast.

    My dad had an MG that i loved, but he traded it for a station waggon once my brother and i had trouble fitting in the back seat of the MG. I don't know that you could really call it a back seat as it was more like a shelf.

    My first car was a VW Beetle, which i loved. It caught on fire when i was driving it, so that was the end of that car for me :0(

    I was never one for coupes, but if i had to choose between the BMW or Mercedes, i'd go for the Mercedes.

  8. Megan, a vote for the Mercedes is a vote for the Mercedes, even if it is qualified.

    It is a shame you do not feel the same way about coupés as I do. I find them, as I do you, quite seductive.

  9. If you are looking for an older car from the era, I'd go Mercedes, though not the one you have shwon here. The BMW has nicer lines overall, but not so sure it was quite the solid workhorse that Mercedes was in that time period. If we're talking more contemporary sports coupes, I'd like this baby:

    Audi r8

    Ha! Even in your favorite color. (u's omitted intentionally)

    And I totally agree with you about the Ferrari - gorgeous body lines, but nothing more than an uber expensive version of the MGB I had as a kid. I had to carry around a toolbox under my seat just so I could start the damned MGB half the time. I've hear similar horror stories about Ferrari.

  10. Neither Tom. You can't get any timber or tools in the back of either of 'em.

    If I were a pimp I'd definitely go for the Merc.

  11. Phil, obviously with the razor sharp intuition we have come to expect from you, you have twigged that I like older, more solid, distinguished forms of motor transport. You agree with Mercedes but not the one I displayed ao which one would you recommend?

    As far as the R8 is concerned, my guards, unlike those poor bastards in Afghanistan, have clear orders for opening fire.

    Chris, that is why I have several other vehicles as well. Like women, no single one can satisfy all requirements.

  12. Oh yes, so razor sharp I am. OK, if you want to go old school Mercedes, I always loved the '55 300SL, with the gull-wing doors:

    1955 Mercedes 300 SL

    Really cool. I'd say it's the shit, but hell, don't want anyone misinterpreting what that means.

    Why no love for the newer Audi?

  13. Phil, why no love for the newer Audi? Because it looks like a congealing turd. That's another word for 'shit' by the way. Besides, with a driver in front, where am I supposed to sit? Not NEXT to him, surely?

    Besides, the novelty of driving one's self has long since worn off. It is my understanding that even women, with the flash of a well turned ankle, can gain a licence nowadays.

    A motor car is merely the tool a Gentleman's Gentleman uses to transport his Gentleman in comfort from one location to another, a necessity brought about by some bounder called Beacham who demolished a perfectly serviceable rail network.

  14. Tom, you made me blush.

    Earlier today when i was running errands, i thought of you when i saw a Mercedes just like the one you posted, only it was a dark olive green. It had lovely lines.

  15. Megan,

    I used to wear dark olive green in the Army and recognised how useful that was for discreet encounters in the woods...

    Mind you, my uniform did not have leather upholstery or a stereo.

  16. Wait a minute! Are you telling me you want to sit in the back seat? Of a two door coupe? The body lines may be sexy and seductive, but most of those back seats are a bit cramped.

  17. I have no particular interest in cars. To me they are just things that get you from A to B - hopefully in one piece...But I was interested in the way you drew a connection between women and cars. Mischievous analogies could be endless, especially with regard to relationships with petrol pump nozzles. "Oh dear, I seem to have overfilled it!"

  18. Of course, I'm a tad partial to American lines, though I'd never turn down a Benz or beemer. I used to hang out in a Galaxie 500 (canary yellow)convertible and a 75 (candyapple red) El Camino. Of course, since my car was a 1980 Mercury Zephyr with a straight 6, I wasn't often called on to drive the crew to town... it turned heads like a school marm.

    By the way, it's good to see one of us still blogging.

  19. Josh! Yeah, what's up with you man? I had a Candy Apple Red Harley Softail Custom in Germany, that was pretty cool too.

  20. I do like the the sausage siders taste in Mercs, big brutish Germanic but still somehow silky smooth.

  21. Juliet Golf, this is Tango Golf. Contact. Wait out.


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