Wednesday 20 March 2013

I am NOT Obama, says the Devil

The Devil.  You can tell he isn't impressed but is impeccably dressed

President Obama.  You can see he's a bit knackered and shabbily dressed

In a rare public appearance, the Devil has vehemently denied rumors that he looks like the President of the United States.

With commendable restraint, he described the author of the tweet who initiated speculation, right wing political commentator and Radio host Glenn Beck as a ‘Liar of Biblical proportions’. The Devil went on to say that he welcomed Beck’s indiscretions since ‘Lying is a Sin denying the perpetrator access to Heaven and granting me his soul’. He added,‘I have the perfect condominium waiting for him, one filled with fire and brimstone. Everyone in Hell has to work, it’s not like being a civil servant’.  The Devil subsequently denied that his off microphone but widely U-Tubed  outburst consisted off, 'Go ahead!  Sue me you bastard, I got better lawyers than you, I'll see you in fucking Hell!' stating that he would never use the F word.

Beck’s Tweet; "Anyone else think the Devil in #TheBible Sunday on History Channel looks exactly like That Guy?" (meaning Obama) went viral, even being reported on obscure media networks such as Sky News when, during a hurriedly un-researched breakfast interview Posh Spice fended off intense questioning by suggesting that Sky had probably got the wrong Beck as hers was on his way to China at the time.  The world famous couturier about to expand to the Orient went on to admit that her husband may have stuffed socks down his kecks to advertise underpants and had played for a Los Angeles minor soccer team but he definitely had no knowledge of, or recollection of meeting a president posing as the Devil. Or the other way around, she wasn’t sure.

"My Becks is an 'all inclusive Guy' and a brand marketing genius", she went on to say. "He would never alienate over 90% of dead people, all potential clients for cool summerware in the afterlife, by insulting the Devil".

Many agreed there was a likeness but producers Roma Downey and Mark Burnett did not share the joke, slamming the claims as "absolute nonsense. We journalists work on a daily basis alongside the Devil at the altar of Mammon and know that with the number of politicians going to Hell and being fed into the fiery furnaces, global warming is a serious issue. Why do you think they (the politicians) are fiddling reports and diverting taxpayer revenue? They are trying to turn the heat down, not in your lifetime but in their afterlife. It’s all a load of cobblers but it gets us access to the Devil and he’s quite a laid back guy with some amazing contacts that do not rely on telephone hacking. He really does care about polar bears and penguins but has the courage to admit that land-rights for gay whales was a bit of a non-issue he threw into the mix for a bit of a laugh”.

‘Besides,’they went on, and on, ‘Look at President Obama. He’s on his second term fighting injustice and the House of Representatives in order to provide basic healthcare. He is going toe to toe with bankers and corporate interests to reduce a deficit of Biblical proportions AND trying to balance the US economy. He’s knackered. The Devil looks a positively healthy investment by comparison’.

"History Channel has the highest respect for the Devil" the History Channel said in a statement.

"It's unfortunate that anyone made this false connection. Honesty and evil are divergent issues and it is our duty as highly paid moguls to bring the two together in the minds of our viewers as a good thing, but there was no suggestion that politicians and the Devil were one and the same which would, of course, be undemocratic and a bad thing presupposing as it would, an uncomfortable element of truth exposed by the media."

The Devil was unavailable for further comment as he was on Nissi Beach in Cyprus staring at the tits of naked ladies and discussing with his staff whether the Russian offer to settle the country’s debt in exchange for Cyprus’ gas reserves was a deal worth a punt.

The White House released a statement attributed to President Obama.

“Does this mean I am like bad, man, like seriously ba-ad? That’s just so cool!

"Since you secret service guys are all here", the President continued, "I just tried to order an ice cream cone but there was like, twenty one flavors and you know I don’t want to make an uninformed decision”.


  1. Never trust the know he lies. Politicians, journalists, bankers on the other hand are angelic

    1. I can see where you are going with this.

      When am I going to be able to comment on your blog again?

  2. Better the devil you know. But I'm not sure which one... there are just so many.

    1. Well, like me then, you have lots of friends, not all of them welcome.

  3. The devil has already taken over Congress, disguising his brainless minions as born again Christians; and taken over most of the Supreme Court, not even bothering with disguises.

    1. Congress( a word now universally assosicated with copulation, or getting fucked), the Supreme Court (how arrogant, I thought the Supreme Court was the Day of Judgment) and Born Again Christians (born again, you have to laugh. It's like those girls who having been well and truly shagged, pay for an operation to make them 'virgins' again). At this point I could say, 'God Bless America' but that would be unbelievably crass. Politicians the world over are the same. For them, it is just business as usual. Don't get me started on this.

  4. Himself and i were talking about this. Apparently, this actor has portrayed Satan before. I asked if he were being typecast then. Surely, if/when they do the Barak Obama movie, this guy would be ideal for the role?

    1. Perfect, I would have thought although it would be interesting seeing a muslim suck up to the Israelis.

      For the first time I saw Meryl Streep playing Magaret Thatcher in Iron Lady so I guess anything is possible.


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