Sunday 6 November 2011

Whisky is the Answer

Or the culprit.

I can't even remember what I wanted to write about. Oh yes, more a comment, really.

If Steve Williams at the annual caddy awards had merely said that he would like to stick his trophy up Tiger Wood's arse, a man who treated the caddy who helped him to 13 majors so abominably despite his own conduct being reprehensible, everyone would have laughed and hurriedly booked seats for the event.

Instead he said 'Black' arse and now even the new owner of the bag Williams carries, Adam Scott, recent beneficiary of his experienced new employee's undoubted skill, is under fire for accepting an apology rather than bowing to frothing media and sacking him. I guess he's got balls too. Not the kind you whack with clubs but the fleshier kind attached to a decent chunk of manliness and a brain to control them.

Please. Are our coloured cousins still really so desperately insecure that they cannot tell the difference between racism, something decent people abhor, and an accurate description of the proposed destination of a bit of bling?

Of course not. In the old days if someone pissed me off I could walk up the road, knock on his door and then smack him in the mouth when he opened it and, regardless of who evenutally beat the crap out of whom it was solved, usually over a pint and under the stern gaze of a landlord keen to ensure we didn't get up to any more mischief. Nowadays such minor spats cause the antagonists to either pull concealed knives or lawyers. Whatever happened to honest fisticuffs?

Tiger Woods appeared on TV stating that Williams' comments were 'regrettable', and that Williams had apologised. Woodie's interview would have been all the more convincing had it been filmed in the casualty department as his lip was being stitched up.

Personally, had I been Woods' missus, I would have used his own golf clubs to whip his arse, oblivious of its colour and, if I remember correctly and to her great credit she did. Given the number of concubines Woods entertained and in some cases cruelly treated with disdain, I think Mr Williams would have to join a lengthy queue to stuff something uncomfortable where the sun doesn't shine.

Since when did a frank, humorous and usefully descriptive confesssion of one's intentions become racism?

And besides, Williams is an Antipodean. They stick their tongues out at you before beating you half to death on a rugby field and call a spade a spade.

Mr Williams, a straight up bloke and a bloody good caddy. Not sure if he drinks whisky but I bet he doesn't drink Foster's...


  1. I think I would enjoy a night of a few "wee drams" with you Tom but my tipple is gin

  2. I like Gin but Marcia says it makes me introspective and morose.

    But you can't beat a few ice cold G&T's as you watch an African sun sink into the Atlantic.

  3. well I emjoy having a couple of gin and tonics watching the rain saoked sun sinking behind the chicken coops x

  4. Equally good John. It is not the Gin, or the whisky or the Daiquiris (I do like those), it is the company in which you drink them.

    Mind you, in the absence of good friends I would still be reasonably content watching the sun go down anywhere with a gutful of rum, sugared lime juice and crushed ice...

  5. Would that be a Caipirinha?

    Of those actors still alive, have you seen Leonardo DiCaprio in Blood Diamonds? Yes it was a Hollywood movie and yes he is a yank trying to be southern african but I still enjoyed it.

    There is always Ralph Feines. Not only did he join the mile high club with a Qantas flight steward but he has been in a couple of Africa themed movies such as Constant Gardner and The English Patient. Not Mr Bogart but a possibility?

  6. Ralph Fiennes, 8th cousin of the Prince of Wales and part time brilliant actor? I liked him in 'The English Patient' as well as in his other films. He would have made a really good James Bond but I suspect such a role would be beneath him, however much Ian Fleming would have approved.

    Do you remember Tim Clifton, my old boss at BHP before I joined you lot at Crown?

    Ralph Fiennes reminds me so much of Tim. Tim was the most outstanding administrator I ever met and demonstrated the same sangue froid and languid social etiquette that could both charm or intimidate according to his whim and I bet he could charm the knickers off an air hostess as well (or at least cause them to spontaneously combust). Describing him merely as an excellent administrator may do his masculinity an injustice. He was so fit he could easily have demolished even the largest opponent.

    If they want lean and taciturn for Bond, maybe Clifton could be a worthy successor to Daniel Craig? But perhaps that would be beneath him as much as it would be for Fiennes.

    As for Di Caprio? For goodness'sake!

  7. now Ralph Fiennes would be excellent playing YOU
    i HAVE BEEN WRACKING my brain trying to think of another appropriate actor!

  8. Bet you Ralph Fiennes wouldn't be sitting here past midnight watching Fashion TV...


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