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| A rare photo of St Francis of Assisi without his halo (So much for Sketchley Dry Cleaning's one hour Golden Service) |
Apparently, as his tally reached the essential two-thirds majority, the emeritus Cardinal of Sao Paolo leant across to Cardinal Bergoglio and said something that made a deep impression: "Don't forget John Gray" he whispered. Actually, His Eminence from São Paulo is Brazilian so what he really said was, ‘Não esquece O Sr. João, Cor de Cinzento’.
Cardinal Bergoglio, a natural Spanish speaker but accomplished linguist in the romantic languages at least, got the drift.
And this, said the former Cardinal Bergoglio, made him think of St Francis of Assisi, champion of the poor, lover of animals and now his namesake.
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| Cardinal Bergoglio on the bus back to the Vatican from Trelawnyd, North Wales, shortly before the Papal Conclave. |
Afterwards, Prime Minister David Cameron vehemently denied rumours that his coalition was willing to do a 'deal' with Argentina and swap Wales for the Falkland Islands so the UK could buck EU controls and have a source of real beef from the South American country. 'There's no cheap Welsh coal anymore and all our lamb comes from New Zealand so what the hell do we need Wales for?' he was quoted as saying. 'They have their own assembly and are fond of obscure languages so let them learn Spanish and eat Tapas, at least the BBC would get one of its channels back'
'Let me be quite clear about this,' Cameron responded on Sky News' Prime Minister's Question Time to debunk these vile accusations, ' I'd rather eat Romanian beef imported through Cyprus by Lebanese traders, processed by the French and marketed on industrialised greenbelt sites by British companies for breakfast, dinner and tea!' he thundered to a House all sides of which were on their feet cheering and waving their ballot papers, pleased that he was dumming down and not referring to breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea, high tea, supper and dinner.
'There is not a bastard cat in hell's chance,' he concluded with admirable restraint, 'we as Englishmen, signatories to numerous non-proliferation treaties, will allow the bleeding Argies to get hold of Auntie Gladys' recipe for Welsh Cakes'
I can't talk about the results of the conclave yet, I'm too upset. Why does Eddie Izzard never get elected?
ReplyDeleteReally, he's ideal - he already wears women's clothing and red shoes.
At the very least the Pope should have taken the name "Eakins". Then we could have referred to him as Pope Eakins.
The Pope iz 'ard.
DeleteReally? Could've fooled me...
Entertaining and oh so like Ursula......
ReplyDeleteMad as a box of frogs
Tee hee
Many thanks x
I'm in Africa, Your Eminence, it is 'Madder than a sackful of cut snakes'
DeleteI liked that. Very funny. Not only that, but I think it would be a fair swap. I shut my eyes and could even see Scameron saying those words.
ReplyDeleteAs for Ins Gadget, he could be a bit selective at times and I did not always agree with him. I do still believe it was a good place for coppers old and new to let off a bit of steam at times without getting in the shit for it.
Any ways, good to see you back on form old chap.
I was once involved with an 'underground' newspaper we called the Luanda Lurgy. You should have seen how fast our employer's closed that one down.
DeleteThis is an example of one of the articles I wrote:
http://hippo-on-the-lawn.blogspot.com/2007/03/mills-and-boon-present.html
Everyone except management thought it hilarious.
Are you an ex policeman, by any chance? I tried for Leicestershire Constabulary as one last ditch effort to save my first marriage (her father was a leics. dairy farmer) but I was knocked back at final interview. I was so gutted. I wrote to the Assistant Chief Constable who had chaired the final selection board. He wrote back telling me that he had taken the unprecedented step of reconvening the board to reconsider my case. He told me, perhaps with prescience, that the board did not feel I would be able to settle down to the routine of day to day policing. As it turned out, the board were astute in their judgement of me but I was really upset at the time. I genuinely wanted to be a policeman.
Grown men have hawked pints of phlegm trying to master the Welsh language. The Argies could never get their tongues around it.
ReplyDeleteBut it would be such a sweet victory. Surely you recall the parody of the National Coal Board's TV adverts by 'Not the Nine O'clock News'? Come home to a real fire, buy a cottage in Wales.
DeleteI read today that the Shetlands, Orkneys and Western Isles are now pushing for independance so Cameron has been dealt another ace...
Was the secod part of your epistle written in any context to the first part? I note a difference in font size. Was this to assist your eyesight as the cocktail kicked in?
ReplyDeleteBoxes and frogs indeed.
I had serious problems with blogger again. First it kept positioning the photos at the head of the post and then it did weird things with the text. Once the cocktails kicked in I thought, bugger it, that will do!
DeleteOr you thought "bigger it, that will do".
DeletePlenty of sheep in Wales; a ready-made flock. I had hoped he'd chose the name Mohammed. Pope Mohammed certainly has an ecumenical ring to it.
ReplyDeleteNow that would be hilarious. I do like Sir Owl's idea of Pope Iz 'Ard, though. He'd need to be to really kick arse in the Curia...
DeleteNow that did put a smile on my face at the start of a long week...
ReplyDeleteGood.
DeleteI don't seem to be able to comment on your blog anymore, by the way.
Great post.
ReplyDeleteCheered me up writing it! And Pope John Gray is such a good sport, I knew he wouldn't mind!
DeleteHaw! Haw! What merry japes - to tease the Earl in such a mischievous manner! Damned spiffing Gowser! I shall venture to the tuck shop for a cream bun and a bottle of Vimto to celebrate the ragging of Pope Ye (Earl Gray). Haw! Haw!
ReplyDeleteCouldn't resist it!
Delete