Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Bioeasy Plus - Teste de Gravidez

Marcia found me digging in the garden in the rain when she arrived home.  I had been digging in the rain all day.  36 hours of solid, tropical downpour.  The few plants that had made an appearance in my raised beds had been smashed to hell.  Of the thousands of seeds I had planted, only three sage, four tomato and two dill had germinated.  Of the coriander, the leeks, the carrots, the radish, the rosemary... not a sausage.  I appeared to be good at sowing seed, just not at the right time I guess.  Now even these few plucky examples had been beaten by the very thing they craved, water.

It isn't that the soil is infertile, far from it.  It just seems impervious to water.  I tried to salvage the plants that had gamely struggled up out of the soil and discovered that only three inches down, the soil was bone dry.  How could this be?  If a torrential downpour had failed to penetrate the soil, my hours of sprinkling had clearly been of no use whatsoever.  So I decided to dig everything over again only this time I would mix in tonnes of fine wood shavings.  Now was the time to do it, it was pissing down.  Mixing in the shavings and giving the soil a good turning over would definitely moisten and loosen it all up ready for me to have another go at planting.  If the rains hold up, then the seed would be in with a good chance.

God knows what possessed me to take up gardening.  I had done all the digging I wanted to while in the Army.  Civilians have fond memories of walks through the Brecon Beacons.  I have nightmares about the place.  Besides, I know bugger all about gardening and was always far to impatient a person to even consider it as a pastime.  Might as well watch planks warp.  I can now say, though, that I am a keen, if very inept gardener.  I may have been very slow starting (I'll be fifty five in May) but I am slowly getting the hang of it.  I know my efforts will bear fruit.

'I need to pee, Andi,' Marcia told me as she passed by heading for the house.  She always calls me Andi, don't know why.  I don't call her Frank (her second name is Francelina) but I do call her Mars One Alpha occasionally.  I don't know why I do that either.  I also found it momentarily confusing that Marcia should appear to ask me before using the loo, she's always managed on her own so far.

'Did you buy the test kit?' I asked.

'Yes.'

'Shouldn't the test be conducted in the morning, first pee and all that?' I asked.

'I am going to do it now,' she told me.

'Wait, wait!' I called after her tossing the shovel and wiping the dirt from my hands on my shorts. 'I want to see!'

'You are not watching me pee,' she told me as I hurried after her.

'How long does it take?'

'One minute,' she said closing the door.

Gosh, I thought, that's quick.  About the same time as it took me to get her pregnant.  If she was pregnant.

A little while later she came out and handed me a little white stick with a coloured band on it.  Towards the end was a line with an arrow pointing at it.  Only one line.  I knew enough to realise that two lines were a positive indication.  So I sat there holding it waiting for the second line to appear.  Nothing.

'Can you see?' asked Marcia.  Actually, I could not see very well, my specs being smeared with mud, rain and honest sweat so I asked her to polish them for me.  Still only one line.  Further up the stick was a red band.  It was next to this that Marcia indicated with a delicate fingernail.  Two purplish lines. 

'So you are pregnant!'

'Yes, Darling, I know.  I have known since last week.'  Blimey, no wonder she was teasing me with all those vague references to pregnancy, she was sounding me out!  Thank God there are some things I just don't joke about.  Goodness, in fifteen years I will have had three children.  Nine years between the first two, Dominic and Alex, now five years between the next two.  I am picking up the pace!

I gave Marcia a hug and a kiss and told her what a clever girl she was.  Men say dopey things like that, don't they?  But I suspect that's just what newly expectant mothers like to hear,

'Oi, Alex!' I called out, 'You are going to get a brother or a sister!'

'I already have a brother,' he said matter of factly, eyes glued on the TV.

'Well, you're going to get another one, Mummy is going to have a baby!'

At that moment, a bat flew into the house so he lost all interest in anything else.  So did I, to tell you the truth; together we tracked it until it settled on the hot water tank.

'Bats are nice,' I told Alex as I snapped a photo, 'they catch insects, especially mosquitoes in mid flight.'

'Wow,' he said, clearly impressed, 'can we catch it and keep it so I can show my new brother?'

See, he was paying attention.

'You had better ask your mother,' I told him.  And he did, and his mother was very pleased.  Then she told me to get rid of the bat.

There's lines all over the bloody thing!
A bat on a hot tin pipe
I suppose I had best start letting the family know...

78 comments:

  1. I am so thrilled to hear your news about the baby…lots of love to Marcia..she will bear the brunt! I hope we readers will get chapter and verse about the pregnancy as it continues……ooh, so pleased for you both and Alex ( and Dominic I am sure will be chuffed). Please do a photo of Marcia soon.

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    1. Thanks. Alex can't stop talking about it, the whole neighbourhood will know soon!

      I will have to hurry up and take the photo before Marcia starts putting on weight, she'll never let me take a photo then!

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    2. Oh bless him ( Alex)..my puppy is called Alexi ! Does he want a brother or a sister?

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry, that's what I would have said if it were ME.

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    2. I was a little surprised as well...

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  3. Congratulations!!! Sounds like not all of your "seeds" failed to take....My best to all of you.

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    1. Clearly they fell on more fertile ground!

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  4. Congrats!! A baby is always wonderful news.


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  5. Wonderful! Maybe you will have a little daughter this time! Wouldn't that be sweet? :)

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    1. Boys can be a headache, girls a nightmare! I'll take whatever I am given and be grateful!

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  6. Aw how lovely. Congratulations Hippo Family. Aw that is great news. Big hugs all round

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  7. Bloody hell
    ,
    Well done old bean.......I am so chuffed for you all....
    A new chapter ........a new challenge
    I'll start knitting
    Xxxxxxxx

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    Replies
    1. Thanks John, it's all in the wrist action. The knitting I mean!

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  8. congratulations! this is so exciting! will you find out what the baby is before it is born or will you wait? we need a pic of marcia!

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    1. We will get a scan in due course and then we'll know.

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  9. Tom, will there be enough time for you to grow your own tobacco, cure it and then roll your own pleased-as-punch congratulatory cigars? (grin) No, really, very excited for you all. Congrats! :-D

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  10. A beautiful baby, how wonderful!

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  11. Like I said before, some folks don't have enough with two helpings of punishment and come back for thirds... ;-) lucky you... must be a sign that Marcia is not totally written you off yet, and that is good indeed.

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  12. i remember when i was pregnant for the third time, it was a surprise and turned out to be twins and i was rather overwhelmed, an old couple i knew said that i was investing in "stock" and it would be my best ever investment.

    how right they were.
    enjoy! and make sure to get some pics of marcia in her full glowing mumma form, she will regret it if you dont

    xx

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    1. What a nice way to look at it!

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  13. COME into the garden, Maud,
    For the black bat, night, has flown,
    Come into the garden, Maud,
    I am here at the gate alone;
    And the woodbine spices are wafted abroad,
    And the musk of the rose is blown....

    A long preface to the news. I scanned down, to read it first. Congratulations to you both!

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    1. There has fallen a splendid tear
      From the passion-flower at the gate.
      She is coming, my dove, my dear ;
      She is coming, my life, my fate ;
      The red rose cries, ‘She is near, she is near ;’
      And the white rose weeps, ‘She is late ;’
      The larkspur listens, ‘I hear, I hear ;’
      And the lily whispers, ‘I wait.’

      Reading the end first, you are so impatient!

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  14. does this mean you might be able to produce something in the garden now?

    congrats - all babies are gifts...

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    1. I am sure all that exercise in the garden got me back into breeding shape!

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  15. Congratulations, Tom and Andy. I am thrilled for both you and Marcia. No better start in life than to be wanted.

    As to gender: My mother used to say: "Doesn't matter, as long as it's healthy".

    The photos some of your commentators ask for: Please do tell Marcia that, in my opinion, there is nothing more lush than the female form when pregnant. Fully ripe like a plumb or a peach ready for the picking Do you remember the Vogue cover August 1991, taken by Annie Leibowitz? Demi Moore eight months pregnant and naked? A lot of people were aghast. Why? I thought her shape sheer beauty. Yes, August 1991 - I myself nearly eight months pregnant. Exciting times.

    When is the due date?

    U

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    1. Correction: Not Vogue, Vanity Fair.

      U

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    2. Due in December I guess. August 1991 I was racing motorcycles in Germany. I do remember the VF cover, I used to subscribe to it at the time when I unsuccessfully tried to find my feminine side...

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  16. A blog baby. This must be a first. We shall all be watching developments with great interest. Congrats to you both. What larks!

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    1. Bloody inconvenient. I was about to buy Marcia a new frock. Not much point now.

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    2. She can stick with her traditional sarong which also doubles up as an African Pushchair;

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  17. Replies
    1. I suppose I shall have to marry her now.

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    2. I'll dance at your wedding!

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  18. Congratulations buddy! I hope it's a girl this time so we can both moan about teenage girls together! Life in the old dog yet!

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    1. By the time she reaches puberty, I'll be knocking on seventy!

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  19. Yes, pregnant women like to think they are clever after all it was ALL Marcia. Is she thrilled? You didn't really say. Congratulations to both if you.

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    1. Marcia seems delighted, as we all are.

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  20. Congratulations to you all ...
    Hope your veggie seeds are as productive as your own!

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  21. Wow. Congratulations! A baby Hippo on the way. Look forward to hearing all about it. Don't be tempted to wet the baby's head, though, unless it's with holy water!

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    1. You have a lot to answer for! If I had stayed happily sozzled, this would never have happened! :-)

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  22. Congratulations. And if you are digging sawdust into the garden you need to add some nitrogen.

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    1. I thought the air was full of it? I am sure I must be able to buy a bag of fertilizer somewhere. Does goat poo contain nitrogen? I have plenty of that.

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  23. Congratulations! A new little baby hippo to join the Hippo family.

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    1. For Marcia's sake, let's hope it isn't hippo baby sized!

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  24. Oh congratulations :) So happy for you all :)

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  25. Congratulations! Is the world ready for another Hippo?

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    Replies
    1. Well, the world has slightly less than nine months to get used to the idea!

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  26. Congrats to all of you! ...and you will never be short for stories now, surely! ;)

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    1. I will try to make them interesting and not a sickening, endless stream of me changing the nappies pics!

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  27. Well, blow me down! Congratulations!

    I'm glad to hear everyone is pleased.

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    1. You could have blown me down as well!

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  28. Congratulations to you and your ever growing family!

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    1. I am sterilising my nail clippers, the family will grow no more!

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  29. Congrats to you both and good luck. As a young pup, you should have plenty of time watching the new'un grow up.

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    1. Watching him from a bath chair with a rug on my lap, you mean?

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  30. Wow, it took me sooo long to scroll down to add my congratulations ! With all thee well wishes Marcia must be pleased. Hope she is well. Look forward to hearing about this little one as he/she grows.

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    1. Thanks for your patience and well wishes! Marcia is pleased and in good health. I will try not to bore everyone with too many updates!

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  31. The bat is auspicious. Bat = batty. Ever seen "Last of the Summer Wine"? Nora Batty! You must call the girl Nora! Shame your last name is Gowans and not Bone! Lovely news! Congratulations!

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    1. The Chinese consider the bat a symbol of long life. Pity that everyone else hates them! Marcia is bound to come up with some odd names so I will tease her with some equally weird ones until she settles on something reasonable. I deal would be a name that works for male and female; that was how Dominic got his name. Had he been a girl, he would have been called Dominique.

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  32. OH just catching up - congratulations from freezing Toronto. Wonderful news!

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    1. STILL cold in Toronto? Don't they have Spring in Canada?

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  33. Congrats!! I am so happy for you both. Hopefully Marcia's pregnancy goes smoothly. You seem to be such an awesome dad so the new little one will be very lucky. I hope you give lots of updates. Ever since you mentioned that Marcia was after you for a little girl I was wondering when the next little "hippo" baby was going to come along. What fun times.

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  34. All the animals and Trees are the part of our world. If we want live safe we should take care of them.

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  35. Replies
    1. Haven't seen neither hide nor hair from Tom in over ten days now. No comments on other blogs he follow either. And the last post with the potato chips has gone MIA. No response to private emails either. Seems a bit unusual. Anyone hear from Tom recently? Hope nothing bad has happened.

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    2. Hopefully just down to his bad internet connections.

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    3. I was beginning to think he was on board that ill fated Malaysian airlines plane. But I just received an email from him. Sounds like the Internet was down. A P.I.T.A. but a lot better than a bad ticker acting up or some other 3rd world horror.

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  36. Checking in - I am hoping he is too busy putting together baby furniture to blog... :S

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