Porkinglês

"All I wanto is a beero, understando!!!!

 
Blogger has decided that I am Português.   It has analysed my laptop, recognised that I have a Pork and Cheese version of Windows installed and anything I posto originates from dodgy, third world servidores.

I ave tried to override the default spell checker but doing so changes my keyboard to English as well, which is a bit of a bugger as it is a Português keyboard and changing it to English, which it clearly isn't, screws everything up.  The keys representem the letters of the alfabeto remain the same (more or less) but every other key assumes a new, incompreensível idêntico.   Try having to press Control-Alt-2 to get @.  Try figurem that out in the first place when all you are trying to do is send a bleeding email!

I thought, perhaps, I could change the default linguagem for Blogger and confirm that I am indeed writing in English but while Blogger admits I am English, it insistas on spell checking using a Portuguese dicionário.  Now I wouldn't mind if all I had to endure were loads of red wiggly lines beneath every word I typed but no, to add to my woe, whatever malevolente programa there is running in the background automaticamente respells whatever it is I have written.  Since I am half blind, I need to tip the screen down so it iluminares the keyboard, meaning I cannot see what I am writing on the screen.  When I lift the screen to proof read what’s displayed, I am sometimes left bewildered.

I'll give you a few exemples: (I mean, examples)

Na (this is supposed to be 'an' as in 'na exemple'. Oh, for goodness' sake, AN EXAMPLE!)

Restaurante.  Yes, just add na 'e'.  AN 'e'.

Distante, instead of distant. They love their E's

Arrogante.  Yet another extra 'E'

Then there's the accents.  If I write taxi, lo and behold, it appears as táxi.  Ç’s appear randomlçy as far as I can see.

This means that what should take only a minute or two, writing a comento on one of your postas, for exemplo, can take ages as I arguir with a machine that insistes I cannot spell.

So I ave had na ideia.  I am not going to bother anymore.  I shall justo type away in English and if the sistema changes things, well then it will give you all a little brainteaser working out what the hell it is I am on about.  I shall invente a new língua: Porkinglês.

I thought I would share this because I had this imagem of you wading through all my typos thinking of me slumped half comatoso over my keyboard, fingers numb with álcool unable to hit the correcto key.  Nothing, I assure you, could bê further from the truth.

Honesto.