To be fair to the manufacturer, they have stated in their manual that with an air cooled machine, as mine is, the ambient temperature will make a difference. It gets damn hot here. 'Bugger' I thought, I should have bought a water cooled machine but, at the time I ordered my air cooled machine, I did not know I had enough water only a few metres beneath my feet to create ice bergs.
Couple my inept handling of the machine as I got to know all its foibles with a desire to experiment with the mix and you can imagine I ended up pouring a lot of my profit down the drain. Get the mix wrong and the freezing barrels will freeze and jam the stirrers. The machine will then start to scream and make all sorts of other horrible noises until a safety device (well over used in my case) operates and switches the machine off. All you can do is leave it switched off and let it thaw out, then dump the contents and start again. I may not know how to make a perfect mix but I have become a bloody expert at dismantling, repairing and cleaning the machine before I fuck it up again.
It is like anything though. VW make the best people carriers in the world but stick a novice in one and they are going to stuff it into a shop window. Hardly the fault of VW but pretty damn frustrating for the owners of both car and shop. I bought an imported ice cream machine in Africa. What the hell do I know about making ice cream? I just thought it would be nice to make ice cream. I like ice cream. But that's like some kid suddenly deciding he wants to be a taxi driver, going out and buying a car and letting himself loose on the Queen's highway with a screaming passenger.
As a result, my spread sheet is pretty bloody useless. I know what I am paying for the ingredients but I am either pouring the product down the drain or, if it actually squirts out the nozzles into a cone, giving it away free to any passing kid so delighted am I that the bloody machine did what it said on its very expensive tin.
I have this gut feeling a dollar a cone is about right. At the moment, as far as I can tell, I get back what I am putting in and Excel confirms this, I am giving ice cream away for nothing. Well, at least I am not losing money and the local kids are very, very happy. Let them laugh, one day I will work the damn machine out and start to make a profit on a dollar a cone.
For the first time in over six months, we have had rain. Rain is good on so many levels. Obviously it waters the parched soil, heralds the start of the planting season and freshens the air. But it also improves the fishing.
 |
| A few fish suppers. They're bigger than the kid. |
Sadly I didn't catch these, I can't walk so haven't been out on the water in a while, but it is good to know the fish are out there and willing to be caught again.
There are six fish there and they weigh around 14-16 kilos apiece so the lot amount to about a hundred kilos. I paid ten thousand Kwanzas, one hundred US bucks; a dollar or 100 kwanzas a kilo. Gutted and properly frozen, I can move them on for 600 Kwanzas a kilo. Dressed and filleted, they're worth 1,800 Kwanzas a kilo. I will only get about 50-60 kilos out of dressed fish but a lot of good meat and bone to make fish stock.
Guess what I will spend the rest of the night doing? Absolutely correct, I shall put a bit of effort into turning one hundred bucks into around a thousand bucks.
I'm doing the nightshift but at least Marcia will let me hook up the speakers to play my music and I can drink myself to death while I do it.
At least my effort will help pay for the ice cream machine which is, according to Excel, an indulgence. Mind you, I did not see anyone complain last night when I served them, as a dessert, tinned peaches poached in their own syrup reduced with real vanilla pods, mixed spice and cloves gently ladled over my ice cream.
Ok about the bloody fish
ReplyDeleteHow's your toe
If I said I was a tadge concerned about it and am now thoroughly bored with the discomfort... I have been told just to keep swallowing the antibiotics.
Deleteah, this is was a post i understand. we be self employed also, after working for the lovely US government . We are always figuring things out if they work to our advantage, but unlike you, i call it "scheming" for the future...your ice cream machine should pay off in 30 years or so according to your statistics.
ReplyDeleteId give you a "hope you feel better cyber-hug", but knowing you for the short time i have been reading you, i am definitely sure it will end up with me beating up and dismantling a disabled man who took advantage of the situation, thus ruining someones reputation, most likely mine. You may be older, but youre not dead yet apparently and even though im blonde, im not that stupid...
You did however make me wonder if we have any peaches here in the cupboard...
Does pinching someone's bum count as 'taking advantage'?
DeleteTry the peaches, they make a very quick, easy and delicious dessert. If you can get black cherries in syrup, they work even better. Just pour the syrup out into a pan, reduce it a bit with a vanilla pod and cinnamon before removing the spices, adding two tablespoons of brown sugar and further reducing. Then add the cherries, a dash of brandy and flambee. Serve this over vanilla ice cream and top with a dollop of fresh cream. Everyone, especially the kids who love to see the flames leaping in the pan, loves it.
"The machine will then start to scream and make all sorts of other horrible noises..." which is presumably why it's called "I scream"?
ReplyDeleteWe haven't had rain for about a week - the first break in the rainy season, as we move into the dry, cooler period. But perhaps not yet enough swallows, (metaphorically speaking) to call a winter (in our case).
Very droll!
DeleteOur rainy season is due anytime now but it is not something you can count on. We have had a number of very dry years.
Bloody machines. All promises without the commitment. I keep a large hammer for such things; if it doesn't fix them, it kills them. I'm usually happy either way.
ReplyDeleteI have ended my relationship with a few appliances that way!
DeleteGood luck with the ice creams...I have a feeling that you will never turn a profit but will be the most popular man in the district....
ReplyDeleteI may not make a profit but I will certainly get fat trying!
DeleteMmmmm, ice cream! I would have no problem with melted OR icy ice cream! My body shape confirms that. You could always use it for numbing your toe.
ReplyDeleteNancy in Iowa
The ice cream, not my body.
DeleteSaucy.
DeleteU
It's OUTRAGEOUS to suggest I would wish to use your gorgeous body to numb my toe!
DeleteI was only hoping to use it to take my mind off my toe.
I like ice cream, and if i had a way i could have it pay for itself, i'd follow suit. Breaking even can still be a win. Think of the happy folks who enjoy it, and once your restaurant is up and running, i'm sure the ice cream can help you make a profit.
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments entirely. I look at it as a very flash kitchen appliance. Yes, you have your countertop expresso machine but have you seen my 4,000 dollar ice cream machine...?
DeleteFish good. Ice cream better. As above, if the ice cream maker can break even then that is a good result. I reckon it's my biggest food weakness.
ReplyDeleteI once drove all the way from 3 Base Ammunition Depot in Bracht to the Black Forest for an ice cream so I know where you are coming from!
DeleteDealing with the fish whilst listening to "my music". I am thinking David Essex, Madonna, Black Lace - all your old favourites. Besides, why isn't Frank dealing with the fish? You just can't get the staff nowadays.
ReplyDeleteCommunist tart you! David Bowie, Santana, ELO, Rolling Stones, Jimmi Hendrix, Steeleye Span, The Clash, The Cars, Booker T and the MG's, The Stylistics (did I say that?!!!), James Blont, The Animals, The Doors, Genesis, Northern Soul (the Wigan Pier Mix). I could go on.
DeleteI will always associate David Essex with Vimto and awful parties, I never ever liked Madonna and I have never heard of Black Lace except the kind I could peel off some tart's bum.
Frank did help me. It was a lot of work and I flaked so Frank helped me finish off this morning. He told me I really should not be walking around on my foot which I considered thoughtful of him. So I told him to bugger off and mind his own business.
Never heard of Black Lace? I am astounded!
DeleteAgadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree,
Agadoo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee,
To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the knees,
Come and dance every night, sing with the hula melody.
Do what my doctors have told me to do and keep taking the medicine!
Deleteyoghurt knitter here. beaming your toe get better vibes it sounds nasty
ReplyDeleteKeep beaming, please and can you turn up the volume? I am in agony!
DeleteIf that machine is freezing up, it's obvious to me it needs some bourbon or whiskey in the mix. Problem solved.
ReplyDeleteand nice fish, btw. Send me the bones, I'll make you some fish bone combs!
DeleteI never thought of ice cream with alcohol! Whisky might curdle the milk but I will try it with Amarula, a liqueur from South Africa based on cream.
DeleteThe fish are excellent for Sushi with their salmon pink firm flesh. I had a gutful by the time I had finished!
Kahlua, Amaretta, near endless opportunities for the bottles in the back.
DeleteAh Kahlua! First introduced to me in the Sergeant's Mess at RAF Upper Heyford in 1980, RAF only in name, it was actually a bloody great American Air Force Base in Oxfordshire,
DeleteI was told by a kindly Master Sergeant that Americans, real men, considered Kahlua and milk over ice a 'girly' drink. I didn't care because in those days I was hard enough to drink it and not care what any Coon Ass or Good Ol' Boy thought.
The finest hamburgers I have ever eaten in my life were served through a hatch at the back of the Sergeant's Club kitchen and were called 'Sergeant Majors'.
Best hamburger I've ever had was from Erv's Crystal bar in Athens Wisconsin. I was 10, and out with my old man for the day. Fried onions and ground sirloin on a grilled on butter bun. Back to sloshed cream. Go for the whiskey - iced whiskey curdled milk sounds manly.
DeleteBet it was good because you were with your Dad.
DeleteYeah, your right. He used to say - I don't like to drink, I just like to piss.
DeleteOops, forgot the slur and nodding head. lol.
DeleteIt's a terrible feeling when you buy something and it starts to cost you money. even worse when you have to admit it! I've nver wanted to live near the sea but I would always like to eat more fresh fish, I think some of the best meals of my life have been fish! And they look pretty damn fresh!
ReplyDeleteOK Big Don Kev Alviti, I know the returns on de ice we marketed are, how do I say dis? a little disappointing but hey, we go back, you know I jus' break a few skulls and de margins improve!
DeleteYou like fish, Big Kev? I get you fish. I got this deal going down on the wharf. How about I cut you a slice of fish and you cut me some slack on the ice cream?