Friday, 7 March 2014

Now for something completely different...


We discovered that Frank's younger brother and sisters had not eaten for days.  Frank is the lazy fourteen year old toss pot we employ to do odd jobs out of school hours in exchange for food for his family.  He is a waste of rations but he is disarmingly incompetent,  I've sacked him I can't remember how many times but he always turns up the next day, works feverishly to pick up any litter and sweep the floor before, after an hour of honest graft, retiring to some lonely corner and going to sleep.  Ah well.

Frank's father is a total waster and apparently had nicked all the food in their house and swapped it for booze.  No point, then, in sending more food down there so we told Frank to collect his brother and sisters and bring them here for a good feed.  Nothing smart, just good honest fried buffalo liver in onion sauce, rice with julienned carrots, sautéed wild cabbage and as much fruit juice as they could swallow.  Bugger me, those kids are skinny and malnourished.  They spent the rest of the evening chomping through my secret store of choc chip cookies while watching Mr Bean on TV.

Eight happy kids

That cheered me up.  Then I received an email from a friend of mine in Europe with details of a second hand vehicle he thought I might be interested in.  I have imported a lot of cars into Angola and usually was able to run them for a year or so and then sell them for more than I paid for them.  Free motoring, anyone can do it.  Can't understand why people buy new cars.  But you need a supply of suckers (or too wealthy to care) in order to have a supply of good used cars.

This one is very nice.  4 wheel drive, (has to be for here, doesn't it?), 4.2 litre V8 with 334 bhp, very low mileage (15,000), first registered December 2012.  Blimey, that's not even run in.  This one has virtually all available extras and is the long wheel base version.  Pretty economical consuming only 13.1 litres per 100 kms (20 mpg) so with the price of petrol here, it would cost me less than two dollars to deliver and collect Alex from school.  Price new?  US$156,000.  Price to me? US$ 30,000 straight from a main dealer.  Wow!  In sixteen months it has lost 80% of its value!  Actually, I am playing with stats a bit.  If I wanted to buy it to use in its country of origin, the attractive price would go up considerably.  The car's manufacturer's warranty would have to be honoured so the dealer covers himself in the asking price; add 20% making the base price $39,000.  The dealer is going to have to find space for it in his showroom and pay someone to sell it and all the time it is sitting there, his money is tied up so add another 25%.  Then there's taxes, add 20%.  The cheapest I could get it would be $58,500 so the vehicle has only lost a shade over 60% which is about right.  Don't forget, exotic extras don't really help a particular model hold its value better, they just make it easier to sell. when the time comes and quick turnover is manna for dealers.  So why am I being offered this car?  Why doesn't the dealer push it out quickly at a reduced profit?  Well, one thing, there are quite a few of these cars on the market so even fully loaded, he will likely have it gathering dust for quite a while.  Secondly, if he knocks the price down, he has to do the same for all his other cars of the same model.  If he sells the car for export, it is cash in hand, no need for guarantees, no special test tickets needed, and it frees up space in his yard or showroom.  That's why I am being offered the car for just $30,000.  It would then cost me another ten grand to transport and import it here so I could be running around in a virtually brand new luxury motor for 40 grand.  The first Angolan with cash who clapped eyes on it would easily part with 60 to 70K for it. 

I checked the petty cash.  I am so tempted!  But, like my dealer friend, it would mean tying up a chunk of my cash for the couple or so months it would take to get the car customs inspected that end, stuff it into a container and have it shipped down here before clearing it this end.  I keep banging on at Marcia about sticking to the project plan, not to be distracted so I could hardly justify having a punt on a car.  Especially a luxury car.  Luxury cars depreciate faster than the Zimbabwean dollar did.  But God, am I tempted.  I know I could shift it quickly.

Anyway, take a look and see if you can guess what it is.  The winner will get a lobster lunch at my place.  If the winner is from abroad, leave your trip here for three months or so and I might be picking you up from the airport in it!



Plenty of legroom for Alex
His own fridge to keep his juice cool
His own TV screens
and plenty of buttons to play with to adjust his airconditioning and individual rear seats...
complete with cup holders and DVD remote

 
My office
I've airbrushed the manufacturer's logo away...



4.2 Litre V8, 334 bhp, top speed limited to 155mph.
Subtle V8 badge on the boot lid. 
Even the boot is airconditioned so your shopping doesn't melt (or bodies start to smell)
It is a hell of a lot of car for the money.  Should I or shouldn't I?  It is late, I think I'll go and sleep on it.



33 comments:

  1. The car stuff leaves me cold
    But the kids?
    Fucking hell
    It's a big wake up
    So lucky
    So lucky
    In small minded Wales
    X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There must be something inanimate (apart from scotch eggs) that excites you?

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Infinity is made by Honda isn't it? It's not an Infinity.

      Delete
    2. I was wrong, Infiniti is the luxury car division of Nissan, I went to their site and this is what I got;

      "Infiniti is not yet available in Angola.

      Please select another location for more details."

      The Infiniti looks very nice but this is still not an Infiniti.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. You heard incorrectly, I'm afraid.

      Delete
  4. The logo is obviously 'round' so it's not a 2CV or a Renault 4. I think I have to join MuddyValley and go for BMW (although the interior does look more eastern).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It isn't as good as those two old classics. Anything east of the Greenwich meridian is east so it that respect, you are correct.

      Delete
  5. Replies
    1. Now you have me, the only Alpine cars I recall were the Renault Alpine and the Sunbeam Alpine. It isn't either of those

      Delete
  6. You would have to shower and change your dusty boots before going anywhere near it! It is rather lovely.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder what kind of mess the dogs would make of it!

      It is lovely and from the outside, very understated. You will be surprised who makes it. You really need to see it in real life, though, it is much bigger and far more elegant than it looks in the photos.

      Delete
  7. That is pure luxury. Lovely leather seats. Is it a Range Rover? Not sure if they have V8 engines though.

    What a lovely family you all are, giving those wee kids a meal..and letting them eat your choccy chip cookies without complaining!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not a Range Rover, although that would make more sense here (but they are notoriously unreliable in the hard conditions here and are VERY expensive to maintain and repair).

      All kids love choc chip cookies, how can anyone complain?

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. VW make a lot of cars... but you are red hot on the manufacturer!

      Delete
  9. Blimey you want the exact make and model lol. I'm just googling 4x4 vehicle logos that are round lmao. I have no clue on these things. I only thought it was an Alpine cos it looked like that's what the TV screen said and when I googled the badge it happened to be round lol.
    OK so is it a VW Touareg???? Yes, I googled it lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My son would know the vehicle, but he is sleeping.

      Most of those kids are mid-bite in that picture...

      Delete
    2. It's not a Toerag but you are close enough!

      The kids are mid bite, Susie, because they didn't even pause stuffing food into their faces to have their photo taken! Glad you didn't bother waking your son...

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. An awful lot of car for the money indeed. Why lash out on a new repmobile when for less you can enjoy a low mileage one of these? Terrific advantages too. Don't think number one son would complain when asked to chauffeur his tipsy father...

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Spot on, Sir!

      Since with a name like Ed you are either a man or s horse, or even a horse of a man, you won't mind that I have already given it to the lovely Linda for getting as near as makes no difference with Volkswagen. Naturally, if you happen to be in my neck of the woods, I would be delighted to serve you a lobster supper (or of like me you find lobster a trifle boring), a spicy lobster curry!

      Delete
    2. I reckon I'll be motorcycling down past you later this year and may just take you up on a spicy lobster curry!

      Delete
    3. Really? That's fantastic! Do try and stop by, Give me a little warning so I can arrange the lobster. You can email me through my blog profile so open comms when you feel like it.

      Delete
  12. Is this "lazy, layabout Frank" the same as the "Gentleman's Gentleman" as reported in dispatches on 29/10/13?

    If so, what's changed.... you thought him the dog's undercarriage in that post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The same. He has gone the way of most employees here thinking he has a job for life, is part of the family so no longer needs to work. I had to rip into the builders the other day to remind them that I am not Thomas, I am Sr. Thomas and they never just walk into my fucking house to talk to me.

      Delete

Please feel free to comment, good or bad. I will allow anything that isn't truly offensive to any other commentator. Me? You can slag me without mercy but try and be witty while you are about it.