Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Aah! Ye of Little Faith!


All of you urging me to rush down to the local sawbones and let him cut my lifetime friend away! 

John Gray, that delightful Welsh raconteur and explorer of alternative lifestyles mobilised an Army quicker than Kitchener.  There I was, sat uncomfortably in my sandy mosquito ridden trench, foot elevated on a sandbag trying to write poetry when all of a sudden I was overwhelmed by the Royal Welsh Medical Corps brandishing bandaids sharpened on kerb stones and insisting I reported to the Medical Officer.

I bugged out pretty damn quick, I can tell you.  I may not have been able to hobble as fast as the yoghurt knitters could run but once I was in the trees, they lost pace having to hug each tree they passed (it’s some sort of religion, don’t ask me, they are all Druids) so once they’d spread out a bit, I doubled back through their lines and went home for a cup of tea and a cheese toastie.  They’re still out there now for all I know, there are lots of trees here.

Anyhow, good news.  I am not dead.  I’m not even close.  Am I allowed a little ‘HA!’?

The fever broke last night, one last kit check and I felt fine.  OK, I won’t be playing soccer for a while but since that’s a nancy’s game, I couldn’t care less.  What kind of sport is it when as soon as you stuff an opponent, some tart blows a whistle?  I lost interest after Vinnie Jones retired.  Similarly, no-one was going to blow a whistle on me.  Midnight on Saturday I was faced with a couple of choices.  I think I made the right one.

Now you tell me, doesn’t that look miles better?  I think it does.  I might lose the nail but then again, it was pretty horrible anyway; it would never take varnish and looked awful in Harvey Nick's sandals.


(Kit Check:  British Army slang for puking your ring piece up)

(Ring Piece: British Army slang for Sphincter)

42 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I shall send you na email in braillle, that way you can feel it Joanne!

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  2. This Yoghurt Knitter is pleased you are feeling better. I hope you feel better than it looks!!

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    1. Absolutely! Have jusrt prepared and consumed toasted cheese, hot chilli, papaya, tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches all washed down with beer and ant-biotics.

      I need to speak to Marcia about natural yoghurt, she is brilliant at making it and after all these anti biotics I am going to need bucket loads to restore the natural flora in my tummy.

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    2. you can get those probiotics in tablet form now, if you cant make yoghurt due to time. with the heat out there though I would say you were onto a winner.

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  3. eww that's gross. I am one of John's Blogging army but I rather like you and will pop in now I've met your awful toe.

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    1. I hope that once my toe heals we can still be friends...

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  4. You are a tough old git.....
    I'll give you that
    I shall call you RoosternCogburn from now on

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    Replies
    1. Can't I be Rock Hunter? I really fancy Rock Hunter...

      C'mon John, If Iam to be Rooster Cock Burn it means I have to lose an eyeball as well!

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    2. John - Tom could be part Zombie? Its the start of the walking dead!!!!!!

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  5. From the internet:
    "Dreaming of being bitten by a snake is one of the most common and striking snake dreams. While the dreamer is likely to wake up scared or confused about the meaning of such a dream, a general interpretation considers snake bite imagery in dreams as a precious warning or wake up call regarding your waking life."
    It didn't explain the significance of waking up and finding your toe has rotted off, though. It doesn't seem like antibiotics will help dead tissue very much. I suppose you could treat that with maggots.

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    1. And leeches on the tip of my toe to encourage blood flow...

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  6. Yeah, it does look better. But yeah, that nail is a goner. Any resemblance to a zombie from The Walking Dead television show is purely coincidental and temporary.

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    Replies
    1. I'm auditioning tomorrow!

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    2. Did someone mention the walking dead?

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  7. I think I mentioned you weren't going to die but my hubby was sure of it. He's rarely right.

    Happy Healing.

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    Replies
    1. You should have put Money on the outcome, you'd be richer by now!

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  8. Is the right foot still twice as big as the left foot? Perhaps if the toe comes off it will even things up and you won't need to buy two different pairs of shoes. I would suggest soaking it in as hot a water as you can stand. It will kill any infection that the antibiotics are missing. Add a couple of spoons of Clorox bleach. Trust me. I'm not a M.D. but I've played one.

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    Replies
    1. I soak it three times a day but just in salty water. Then I apply unrefined honey which is a natural antibiotic (very good for curing tropical ulcers) and swallow antibiotics.

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  9. As a tree hugging yogurt knitter (though I can't knit) I am very glad to hear that it is a little better. Still looks gross though... How is the pain level?

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  10. If you think that looks better you're kidding yourself old chum. It still looks awful and your refusal to seek expert medical advice remains just plain dumb! Sorry.

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  11. Aren't you suppose to eat the yoghurt, rather than spread it, puss-like, on your appendage?

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    Replies
    1. I don't like to waste the yoghurt so I spread it on first and then lick it off.

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  12. It certainly does NOT look miles better. It looks horrifying.

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    Replies
    1. I guess it is a case of beuty being in the eye of the beholder...

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  13. I popped onto your blog a couple of times yesterday for an update and I thought about you during the day.
    At different times, two of my dogs have been bitten by snakes on their muzzles. They both swelled up and after taking one to the vets I was told she needed plenty of fluid and rest but it may not end well.
    As it happened one went on to make a full recovery and the other one sadly died, so I am so glad you are in the good 50%
    Take care and keep us updated
    Sue

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    Replies
    1. Two to one odds, I wonder how many of my nine lives I have used up now?

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  14. Replies
    1. Like I keep saying, it's just a sore toe! You or Rasch wouldn't even post about it, would you?

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  15. What were you eaten by? Aliens? Much more of that and you'll need to amputate it at the neck... Still, if you will live in these unsavoury climes. Dust it with gunpowder sir and prop your foot up near a good open fire.

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    Replies
    1. If it gets really bad, I shall do a Ranulph Fiennes on it in the garden shed.

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  16. Still gross...keep a sterilised knife close at hand....

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    Replies
    1. A good man behind a pair of industrial bolt croppers?

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  17. Dr Addy says " I hope you've made a will" :0

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  18. I hope the toe is continuing to make improvement!

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  19. Have you seen the walking dead? I think your toe looks like something out of that...

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  20. So if the grey stuff sloughs and pinkish skin is underneath, you're good to go. Along with the yoghurt, perhaps you can ferment some cabbage and have that as well to repopulate your gut flora?

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Please feel free to comment, good or bad. I will allow anything that isn't truly offensive to any other commentator. Me? You can slag me without mercy but try and be witty while you are about it.