Actually I need to be careful there, don't I? I have already been censured once for being wildly non pc when (you recall the kosher fish and the better vegetables?) I asked Her Majesty-Majesty why the Jews here get nicer peas.
Clearly, the Very Well Dressed Lady Registrar's heart is brimming with compassion for quite obviously the raw emotion I threw into my bottom lip trembling performance must have left her deeply moved. This morning she came to see me and told me that instead of being transferred to the Royal Free, they would keep me here and on Wednesday take me over there where I will be operated on as a day patient before being brought back here to recuperate (note to self: take a good book along).
Naturally, in a community as close knit as that found in an infectious diseases ward, news travels fast. 'Oh God!' wailed one nurse, overcome with joy. Another sank to her knees to give Him thanks, tears of happiness coursing down her cheeks, 'He's not going!' she cried. It all brought a bit of a lump to my throat.
I received a bunch of mail as well including one from as far afield as Camarillo, California. It did not look like a communication from the IRS so I risked opening it. Thank you Ann. I am gratified you want to visit Fort Hippo when it is up and running but would draw your attention to the section of my last post dealing with being sectionable. Nevertheless, if you are a comfortably well off masochist, by all means visit but my place is really only aimed at those already in Angola for their sins and for whom anything is an improvement on Luanda. Addy, recognising that I still had one addiction to deal with thoughtfully included a packet of the strongest mints I have ever tasted. Through streaming eyes I squinted at the packet and read 'Exocet' but as my eyes cleared I realised the words were 'Extra Strong'. Frances sent me the most singularly appropriate card, sadly I have no scanner to hand to share it with you but it shows a patient in bed with a doctor saying, 'Hmmn, someone has been fiddling with their medical notes, haven't they?' Hanging on the foot of the bed is a sign saying 'Nil by mouth' to which has been appended, 'Except Chocolate and red wine'. As a multi hitter, this card gets home runs for we all now know of the days I endured nil by mouth, my weakness for chocolate and my school boy efforts to interfere with my medical notes. Lettice Leaf forced me to cast my mind back 36 years to my basic signals training which really did not help me until I discovered the key on the back of the card so Lettice Leaf, - .... .- -. -.- ...! My good friend Paul and his lovely soon to be wife Karen sent me a most interesting card. Now that I have read it I am reasonably confident I will be able to tell the difference between an orgasm and a heart attack, useful as the frequency of both for me are about the same...
I have had many visitors bearing gifts and I am sure they will waive the need for me to thank them all here but special mention must be made of the Idiot Gardener and the Suburban Bushwacker, neither of whom I had ever met before; we know each other through our blogs. So determined was IG to satisfy a craving I had he scoured the wildest corners of the home counties until he found the last remaining herd of wild biltong and through stealth and guile was able to cull a fine example bringing me back an entire marinated and air dried example raising, on the way to my room, a few eyebrows as he dragged it, bleating plaintively through the corridors of UCLH. IG's endurance was matched by that of SBW who took on the apparently simple task of arranging mobile broadband for me. My brother Micky had fixed me up with what T-Mobile assured him was the solution to my problem but, and I shan't go into it now or we'll be here all day, suffice to say that choosing T-Mobile and their service partner EE was a very expensive mistake which left me certain that their criteria for employing customer service agents depended to a large extent on how close a resemblance applicants bore to a certain part of the female anatomy. SBW gamely submitted to the intimate internal examination, blood and DNA testing the retailer demanded and was able to return to my room with his dingle shredded and a Virgin dongle for me. I can now access the Flordita.com mail server and send emails again so if you received an email yesterday that seemed strangely out of date, you now know the reason why; it was my outlook outbox relieving itself at last.
Now, with all this extra time, I can turn my thoughts once again to mischief. I wonder if I can convince them that I am really a 'ghost' patient sent in by 'Bob the Builder', Sir Robert Naylor, CEO of UCLH, to report on the standards of service and patient care in his hospitals.... Nah. Can't see the point really, they're already waiting on me hand and foot. Any witty suggestions you may have gratefully received, you know the address.
|A much recovered blogger at work.|
Note sterile surgical eCig pointing device.