Cobblers

Subject: Cheaney Pennine IIR Country Boots in Burgundy Grain

“Dear Sir,

I am resident in Angola and would like very much to buy a pair of UK size 9 Cheaney Pennine IIR Country Boots in Burgundy Grain…”

I also asked them to provide me the package dimensions and weight so that I could have DHL Express collect the package and courier it to me.

 

Below the reply I received from them:

 

Dear Mr Gowans,

Thank you for your email.

Although we ship worldwide we only currently offer shipping to selected countries. Unfortunately Angola is a country that we are unable to ship to at present.

Kind regards,

John Pugh

Internet Sales Coordinator

 

No reason given, no apology, just a curt dismissal.  It is also risible; ‘Although we ship worldwide…’  Well they don’t, do they?

I get this ALL the time from UK suppliers, why?  What is it about Angola?  The supplier will be paid, in money not cowry shells, the same money that everyone else in UK uses, pounds Sterling, so what’s the problem?  I am not Angolan, I just happen to be here and am in need of a new pair of well made boots.  Don’t the authors of such responses realise how distressing it is to be turned down merely because of one's location?  Am I distasteful to them by association?  Association with what?  Natives?  Are they perhaps concerned that their boots would not hold up in an environment admittedly a little more hostile than a genteel shoot in Norfolk?  Does the military style risk breaching some United Nations arms embargo?  Or are they worried their reputation as purveyors of fine footwear to the nobility would be irrevocably diluted if a pair of Cheaney’s was seen on my plates?    The meanness of the response invites such speculation.

I really wanted these boots.  I have taken a little stick recently over my dress sense, or rather lack of it in the overwhelming opinion of my readers, and Marcia considered these boots further evidence of my disintegration into senility but if you know your boots, you will realise that these are boots to last a lifetime (what’s left of mine most certainly) and bring real credibility to the notion of living and dying in ones durable footwear. 

I haven’t been so crushed by rejection since Sally Bent, the gorgeous blonde the breasts of whom I was very sweet on, turfed me in favour of Nick Rushton and his Datsun 240Z.  I mean, a Datsun for goodness’ sake!

Now you know why I bought my industrial wood working machines in Italy and my bicycles in Germany.  CMC srl in Torianna have never shipped to Angola either but rather than turn me away, they asked me the best way to ship.  Bulls Cycles in Germany repackaged the bikes into DHL standard sized boxes so they could send them.

Yet a cobbler in Northampton can’t be bothered to receive payment for a pair of boots and have the package at reception so that DHL can pick it up.

And people wonder why the country is in such a mess!  It’s enough to turn an affable chap into a grumpy old sod, especially since I know I am really stuffed this time.  Italian boots would be far too fashionable and Jack Boots would only reinforce a few prejudices. 

Why should I be forced to subsidise one of Cheaney’s UK retailers?  I know retailers have to make their percentage, not only to make selling Cheaney footwear worth the effort but also to fund their facilities.  Their customers can come in and see the product; they can try their boots on before paying for them.  I don’t have that luxury.  I am buying Cheaney boots sight unseen because of the company's outstanding reputation and decades of familiarity with their products.  So why can’t I buy direct from the factory?  Surely selling a pair of boots to me in Angola will not infringe any franchise agreement, unless they were as short sighted as Habanos SA, the state owned company controlling the sale and distribution rights of genuine Cuban cigars, who sold the franchise for the entire African continent to a guy in Cyprus.  Just as we can’t buy decent boots in Angola, a good smoke is hard to come by as well.

The thing that really sticks in my craw, though, is that I have no choice but to ask my brother to wander into any one of the retailers selling these boots, buy them and stick them in the DHL for me.  Why is that so bad, you ask?  It is bad because, once again, George Osborne will get 20%, and that really bloody annoys me.

Cheaney Pennine IIR Country Boots in Burgundy Grain
Unquestionably the finest boots in a World so exclusive, Angola isn't a member.