Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Caro Cliente!

Dear Client,

Welcome to MoviNet Portal, the best wide-band internet of Angola.

This site is a way to communicate with you! Inform you about your modem, discount promotions and new services that only Movicel Have.


This is the logo of my internet service provider in Angola, Movinet, and what they have to say about themselves on their website.  Although a suggestion of further useful information is made, there is none other than a reminder of my account due date.  I pay US$100 per month for which they promise 2 GBs of traffic at a speed of 3 Mbps.

Is it just me or does their logo look like a misshapen molar?  If it does, then at least they are being honest about that even if they are lying about everything else.

Movinet makes my gums bleed.
Posted by at

33 comments:

  1. Mike Silvius12 February 2014 at 19:17

    If your gums are bleeding I suggest you increase your citrus intake. Perhaps a few lemon trees on the property are in order. Your ISP seems rather steep. We pay 75 U$ a month for high speed (not DSL) unlimited data over a phone line and it includes unlimited nationwide phone service. That includes 15 U$ in taxes and fees that include believe it or not a fee that covers the expenses of the war of 1812.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hippo12 February 2014 at 19:39

    Americans are paying a tax for Russia successfully defending itself against Napoleon? Blimey, those politicians of yours will try any scam to get rid of your country's massive deficit!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mike Silvius12 February 2014 at 20:17

      Same year, different war. In this case the Anglo-American war of 1812 to 1815. A little skirmish between the Brits and the Colonies to resolve a few issues left over from the war of independence. Much of it fought at sea. And we had to pay for it some how, so they came up with the scheme to tax telegrams. Conveniently and in ever so typical of govt fashion, they simply kept milking the cow for all that it was worth and never stoped. And no there is absolutely no effort to reduce the deficit. That giant sucking sound from Washington DC should clue you in. Regardless of what we say they are all still bound and determined to implement Marx's old failed mantra; from each according to his means to each according to his needs.

      Delete
    2. Hippo12 February 2014 at 21:14

      Let me see. if it wasn't in Russia... Peninsular War? No? British kick Gen. Hall and his US troops out of Canada (the only bit of North America worth having)... was that the Anglo American war you refer to?

      Delete
    3. Mike Silvius12 February 2014 at 22:21

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/War_of_1812

      Delete
    4. Hippo12 February 2014 at 22:37

      I don't believe you are still falling for this!

      Delete
    5. Mike Silvius12 February 2014 at 23:02

      I told you I was slow to catch on in school.

      Delete
  3. Henry12 February 2014 at 20:51

    Jesus that's expensive. Here in Austria I have unlimited internet at 75 Mbps for €19/month.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo12 February 2014 at 21:44

      Bugger me! AND you have Bundaberg...

      Delete
    2. Hippo12 February 2014 at 21:58

      Oh, silly me, Austria not Australia!

      Bugger me! AND you have Salzburger Nockerl, Germknödel, Domino Steine, Linzer Torte...

      Delete
    3. Hippo12 February 2014 at 22:18

      The company is owned by the President's daughter. There is another telecoms company but she owns that one as well.

      Delete
  4. Anonymous12 February 2014 at 21:49

    This was so interesting that I asked Mr Google about it. He says that it was the Spanish-American war in 1898 that started the 3% telecom tax. At that time telephones and telegraphs were only used by the rich and they were taxed to help pay for the war. For various reasons the tax was never repealed once the war debt was paid off. It finally was laid to rest in 2006 when several appeal courts declared the tax to be illegal because of the way that it was collected.

    Anyway, in 1812 everyone knows Napoleon was retreating from the gates of Wigan. Meanwhile the Americans were thinking up the words to the Star Spangled Banner and buying whitewash. Neither event was reported via telegraph since it hadn't been invented yet. So it wasn't taxed either.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo12 February 2014 at 22:10

      Well, if the tax was only repealed in 2006, you can't expect Mr Silvius to have known that. According to his blog he has been snowed in up to his arse for the last decade...

      Delete
    2. Hippo12 February 2014 at 22:36

      I thought the Telegraph used by the rich was founded, not invented? (In 1855)

      Delete
    3. Mike Silvius12 February 2014 at 22:59

      10 years, Yes it certainly feels that long. I guess I must have missed the repeal of the tax. Our phone bill which covers our ISP still has about 9 different itemized obscure named fees and taxes beyond the actual cost of the contract. At one point I read that a telegram tax was imposed post-facto to pay for the costs related to the war of 1812. With time it had morphed in to the more recent connectivity fee on phones. I guess the report had the wrong war.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous13 February 2014 at 02:49

      M. Silvus should not be distressed by missing the repeal of the tax. If indeed the snow has been up to his arse for the last decade the chill breeze to the Trossachs would definitely be a disturbance to the equilibrium.

      Delete
    5. Mike Silvius13 February 2014 at 03:17

      Oh the equilibrium has been disturbed, but that happened long before the chill got to the "Trossachs".

      Delete
  5. Retired job.12 February 2014 at 23:55

    I just looked at their website and apparently you can just tailor the package to suit your needs. Simples. A man with your extraordinary contacts should be able to arrange the best. That or get a very long cable linked to one of your friends in South Africa. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo13 February 2014 at 00:08

      100 bucks a month is the cheapest option...

      Delete
  6. John Going Gently13 February 2014 at 00:00

    It's a beautiful m
    One of the nicest ms
    I have ever seen...
    A king amongst ms

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo13 February 2014 at 00:06

      (in a Benny from Crossroads voice...)

      Oh I get it! You're taking the piss, aren't you?

      Delete
  7. Nigel Peace13 February 2014 at 02:02

    For those comparing costs - Tom can only get a mobile data service - not a cable or fixed /wired line service. Still it is much cheaper here in Oz (Oztralia, not Oztria). It is a shame you cannot convince them to put a tower on top of your restaurant and the payment would be in free internet for yourself. you could then charge your guests a modest fee for Wi-Fi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo13 February 2014 at 10:09

      Hmmn. I'd have to guarantee constant power though. Not too hard, I suppose.

      Another option would be to operate my own dish (without a licence from Angola Telecom, of course) and sign up with an international provider. How hard or expensive could that be?

      Delete
    2. Nigel Peace14 February 2014 at 01:17

      Just buy enough Al-Foil form the super market, shape it into a parabolic, I am sure the rest would be easy - need to trawl though some survivalist/paranoid conspiracy theorists web sites to work out the rest

      Delete
  8. Janice Grinyer13 February 2014 at 05:36

    we had a crappy satellite service for the longest time - limited like yours
    - for $80 a month. at the worst times it would cut out - and we would wonder "is it us? is it the sun spots flaring? it is the end of the earth?" just about when we thought we could blame it on the government, it would come back on...

    now we have a landline from the phone service - they have actually mickey-moused the wires and boxes along the phone lines to reach us - its unlimited and its $40 a month. We can tell when our neighbors 5 miles north of us are watching a video, as it does slow it down - but not by much...

    heres wishing you better internet in your future endeavors. Honest to god it was the best call of our lives when we talked to the satellite company to cancel - they were offering us 3 free months of internet, extra unlimited etc. If i hung on the line long enough i might have even gotten a time share in mexico...but "no", we told them, "no we do not need you anymore"...best dear john call i ever made...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hippo13 February 2014 at 10:25

      Mine goes down regularly. Every time I type a comment, I have to save the text so, if it fails to post because the connection dropped again, I can refresh the page and paste the comment in without having to retype it all. Sometimes I have to refresh the page five or six times before the comment finally posts. It is very frustrating.

      Delete
  9. Cro Magnon13 February 2014 at 05:59

    Looks like they've borrowed their 'M' from the Scottish restaurant; just tweeked it a bit..

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    Replies
    1. Hippo13 February 2014 at 10:32

      They probably stole it and then left it in the sun where it melted a bit. It gets quite hot here.

      Delete
  10. Yorkshire Pudding14 February 2014 at 13:35

    It's not a mis-shapen molar, it is a number three that has toppled over - The Holy Trinity - Profit, Promises and Pissed Off Customers.

    ReplyDelete
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Please feel free to comment, good or bad. I will allow anything that isn't truly offensive to any other commentator. Me? You can slag me without mercy but try and be witty while you are about it.

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