Alex and Mauro can be right little bandits when Marcia wants to watch her favourite programme on TV after our evening meal. Now I know that none of them is ever quiet when I want to watch something but noisy women and children are just one of the burdens men have to bear. I have also noticed that the vocal chords of my family are somehow linked to my computer keyboard, every time I touch the keys, they suddenly find something that demands my urgent attention.
Short of the unthinkable, I have not yet found an effective way of silencing my wife but today, I came up with what I know will only be a temporary solution but the boys have voluntarily gone into their bedroom and closed the door behind them leaving Marcia and I in peace.
I bought them a crossbow.
It's a compound crossbow which makes it easier for a young child to draw, Mauro may be ten but Alex is only five. Obviously I am in no way an irresponsible parent so I gave them a quick lesson on how the safety catch and trigger worked and told them not to shoot each other before leaving them to it.
It came with a circular archery target. This is the really cunning bit, the essence of the success of my plan. I nailed the target to the back of their bedroom door. They can only shoot at it with the door closed meaning us adults can't hear anything they are up to. Brilliant. I haven't heard a peep out of them since.
I lie, they did come out of the room once complaining the arrows were not sticking to the target so I showed them how to lick the suckers on the end of the arrows so they would stick to the plastic target.
I had given them a sheet of paper and a pen so they could mark their scores and improve their simple addition but was irritated to notice the manufacturer had scored the target rings as 10, 25, 50, 75 and 100 for a bullseye. For a child's toy, that's just too many numbers.
lol mobile phones with games on also seem to work. I observed this in the supermarket
ReplyDeleteThey have iPads and PSP's and were bored with those. Nothing like being able to shoot things to keep little boys occupied!
DeleteMy little darlings can still hurt each other with sucker arrows. Why do kids like to aim at your head all the time?
ReplyDeleteOr a sneak attack from behind, a shot at close range onto the bare flesh of my back while I am taking a sip of tea and watching the news. They thought that was hilarious this morning!
DeleteDraw a round target on each boy's forehead; much more fun.
ReplyDeleteIf they shot me in the head I'd shoot them in the pills...
DeleteBlimey, I thought for a minute crossbow & imagined the character from The Walking Dead ( which I don't watch but John Grey does so I've seen the pictures )
ReplyDeleteMuch more fun to shoot each other or a passing cat - I know - I have three big brothers !
A year ago I bought Dominic, fourteen, a catapult. He delighted in shooting wild pigs with that!
DeleteJust make sure you don't walk through the door as they fire their arrows..... you'll end up looking like a dalek!
ReplyDeleteBeing single shot, I can wait for the 'thunk' and time my entrance!
DeleteI was surprised when you revealed that the arrows had rubber suckers on the end. Real arrows with tungsten tips would be sure to keep the boys permanently quiet. As for Marcia - ever heard of gaffer tape? Not usually recommended by marriage guidance counsellors but extremely useful all the same.
ReplyDeleteYou try pinning Marcia down and sticking gaffer tape over her mouth. There is no domestic violence in this house. If I ever laid a hand on her she would beat me to death.
DeleteWe played with darts at that age. I hid behind a door & the neighbor kid tossed one at the door but with such bad aim that it went through the crack I was peering through & stuck in my face. Just missed my eye somehow. Scared the hell out of him when I came out with the dart sticking out of what looked like my eye, and he ran screaming up the stairs and away. How's the toe?
ReplyDeleteyoghurt knitter here. How is your toe? is it time for a picture so we don't need to worry?
ReplyDelete