I had a bad day today over the clinic I want to build when a bunch of people, including to my utter dismay my wife, who says she is going to leave me in the morning and is now sleeping under a mosquito net in the jango, said I could not do this so I got mad and punched someone and bust, so I am told and ironically by the same Doctor who will inherit the donated facility currently under dispute, two Metacarpals and a Proximal Phalange belonging to me and an Upper Nasal Cartilage belonging to someone else. All I know is I can’t even hold a cup of tea let alone type properly and it bloody hurts; my right hand is as big as a football and Marcia is so pissed with me she is sleeping in the yard. But you should see the other guy. 53 in May and I can still lay them out. One day someone will kill me. Probably an exasperated Marcia but I hope I will hang on until at least 93 before being shot by a jealous husband.
This clinic business is getting very political. The police came, after all I am a foreigner who just snotted some Angolan official so hardly an unexpected turn of events so I said. ‘All I want to do is donate a clinic!’ and they took one look at Marcia and said, ‘Oh, it’s a domestic’ and fucked off again. Good lads, the police, but then I do feed them breakfast every morning and the community were right behind me.
I will build this blasted clinic.
You (with you busted up hand wrapped in a football of bandages) can join Me (in my "T"-shirt and boxer undies with hankie hanging from the elastic), JohnG (in his Wellies and carrying a strangled chook) as we merrily and carelessly parade our foolish selves down the main boulevarde of town.
ReplyDeleteBloody old fools that we are! lol!
It has all the makings of an epic. Staying tuned...
ReplyDeleteIf I was nearer, I would give you a hand my man
ReplyDeleteIt'll be worth it.
ReplyDeleteUnless of course you do get yourself killed. Plenty of evil bastards out there more richly deserving when it comes to martyrdom.
Dear Hippo Tom, talk about being caught between a dock and Marcia.
ReplyDeleteYou do know what's happening here, don't you? The more "pissed off" you'll get the more determined they'll make you to build that clinic for the greater good. I think it's called inverse psychology or some such. Don't fall for it. Let Marcia sleep rough. Flash money in front of town and country planners and put it back into your pocket. They'll soon learn what they are missing. If the worst comes to the worst you may employ me as your front line/PR machine/First Aid Kit on legs.
What's the doctor like?
U
Ursula, I haven't a clue what any of your comments mean. All I know is that I really want to do the best a middle aged and fairly worn out man can do to give you a decent sexual experience. Very shallow, I know but between fights and possible assination I don't have that much time to waste on chatting you up so since you are obviously a cosmopolitan and intelligent girl, I thought I would just cut to the chase.
ReplyDeletePlease feel free to treat such a vulgar approach with the contempt it deserves, I am used to rejection and I am sure that knowing Marcia declined the matrimonial bed last night you would not want to catch me on the rebound.
JohnD. Faced with such opposition, a militia frothing with indigantion and led by the three Generals you describe, I am sure we could dispense with the Remington Senderos and the 50 cals and just overwhelm them with our sheer presence.
John G. I REALLY need some of that 'There, there there, it will all be alright my little bunny'
But it fucking hurts!
Well if you promise not to use such bad, bad words, I will kiss it better...
Joanne. Please not an epic. Don't wish that upon me. My Father told me of the old Chinese curse, 'may you live in interesting times'. It is only now that I understand what he meant!
Chris, if I die, it will be a pathetic death, I'll pull back for a decent uppercut and the heart will give out before I can deliver it. Still, so long as I had a gutful of whisky at the time it wouldn't be so tragic. I'd hate to think of the old ticker giving out while there was still a bit of life left in the liver.
'There, there there, it will all be alright my little bunny'
ReplyDeleteNo. No one ever says that to me either. Still you could be me which is considerably worse. You have sunshine, marcia still loves you, you are a local legend, and fishing on your doorstep too.
Just gotta suck it up mate
SBW
About the only things you got right, SBW, is that there is sunshine and fishing...
ReplyDeleteVulgar? Not at all. Cutting to the chase? Vorsprung durch Technik, as they say. However, prolonged chase heightens the eventual, and inevitable, outcome.
ReplyDeleteGive me "a decent sexual experience" Why thanks, Tom. Don't worry about your being worn out: I come easy. In quick succession.
"Shallow"? I like to dig deep.
Just to keep our decks ship shape as befits your military background: I don't do "rebound" unless it's an emergency. And would I want to challenge Marcia to wrestling in the mud? You might egg us on.
U
Ursula,
ReplyDeletePlease stop.
For a start this is a family orientated blog (apart from the odd expletive) but do you know the difference between Light and Hard?
Well a chap can go to sleep with a light on.
"However, prolonged chase heightens the eventual, and inevitable, outcome"
Does that mean in twenty year's time I get to shag you?
Kids. Look away now.
JohnD, i should like a picture of that, please.
ReplyDeleteHippo, i hope you heal quickly. I find when i have an idea swirling in my brain, i usually have to overcome a few obstacles in order to bring it into reality. Sometimes the stakes are high enough that i abandon the idea for the moment; other times, it simply instills in me the utter determination to see the thing done.
I don't know that it will all be all right. I'd like to think so, and you do have community support at the least.
On a different note, I thought your approach to Ursula refreshing.
megan
By the way, my dear correspondent Ursula, when a chap has a lob on, it is ALWAYS an emergency and the only kind we would be grateful if you could just sit on it and wait for the outcome.
ReplyDeleteMegan. Refreshing? I thought my approach to Ursula was openly indecent but if you think I am being too subtle I will take your advice!
ReplyDeleteUtter determination. That's exactly it. I will build the clinic, I will provide drinking water, I will improve return on fish harvests and turn pigs into Parma Ham.
In the meantime Marcia is giving me the cold shoulder, Ursula is too far away to bang and my hand hurts like hell.
But it is all in a good cause.
"In the meantime Marcia is giving me the cold shoulder, Ursula is too far away to bang and my hand hurts like hell."
ReplyDeleteOy, I'd call that the trifecta of sexual misfortunes.
Can't you use your other hand?
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is an Angolan thing. When
I was there I punched a door made from a native hardwood. Not one of those cardboard hollow doors we have in our houses. I broke the bone that goes from the little finger knuckle to the wrist (sorry I do not watch many medical shows on TV).
One doctore said, idiot, put ice on it. Some weeks later another said I should have gone to the orthapedic (spelling?) surgeon to have it fix but it was too late and fused into the position it is now. I used it as an excuse for my bad typing and spulling
You did not tell us why his nose offended you.
Hippo,
ReplyDeleteBy refreshing, i meant that you simply cut to the chase. In my book, that saves time. You can say yes, and get things started right away, or say no, and move on.
Now, if you made a move to grope the person without consent, that would be indecent. And if you did that to me, i'd be inclined to slug you.
megan